What's all the (gray) fuss about

A couple of months ago, I posted to FB that I was going to let my hair go gray. It is one of the most liked posts I have ever had. I also received a record number of comments, many of which were encouraging, telling me I would "look great." There was a cheerleading vibe to the comments, as if I were undertaking a life-changing journey that would at times challenge my resolve.

I know everyone's intentions were good, but the response was a little disturbing. The comments assumed this would be a tough transition because I was admitting I was old. That might be on me. I did make some reference to not being 22 or 32 and owning 52. That may have been a little misleading because I am actually really excited. Relieved even.

Here's the backstory. I have very dark hair. When I was about 35-ish, gray started to appear. Without really thinking about it, I started dyeing it and have continued to do it for 17 years.

That's 17 years of ruined t-shirts and towels and destroyed cabinets and floor tiles -- not to mention the days I walked around with black streaks on my forehead and neck. All of this because I didn't think I should go gray and was too cheap to get my hair professionally dyed every three to four weeks.

I talked to my hairstylist about blending my gray, maybe going a little lighter. When this turned out to be a bad idea due to my affinity for boxed color found at your local drug store, I asked myself, "Why am I doing this? Really? Why am I doing this?" I didn't really know.

Over the past two years, I have been trying to become more natural in my appearance. For years, I had a job working with the media. As a result, I never knew when I might be on camera, so I started wearing a lot of makeup and god-awful suits in blacks, blues and grays with horrible Casual Corner sweaters underneath. Not that I ever had real style, but whatever I had was not this corporate look on the cheap.

Embracing my gray is part of me finding my lost style, if you can call it that. In my 20s, I had a kind of hip style, or so I liked to think. Fun, edgy dresses and hippy pants. I started working and just assumed I had to change how I dressed. I lost any style I had. Now that I am in my 50s, I am going back to what I like, which includes less makeup, big earrings, fun clothing and natural hair.

As the gray keeps growing, I appreciate the encouraging comments even more. For someone who for years greeted her reflection with "You are fat and ugly," it has been tough to see the change and not add social commentary to it. But, in the words of my former therapists, I am using the tools in my toolbox and being kind to myself. And really, it's just hair. My hair.